Just Another Desperate Housewife

I had an end note in the previous post that said:

.......an article in Philadelphia Magazine called Confessions of a Main Line Housewife: Amy Burnham Tells All By Michael Callahan -

I love the line "And if you don’t know her, you’re probably nobody."

Really? A lot of us didn't know her before this.  The take-away of this article? Name dropper. And ummm, not all Main Line Housewives are surgically enhanced...just saying....

Who is this woman?  No one I know knows her (and after this they don't care to they say.)   Mind you I don't know everyone, but what is the point of another one of these silly articles?

I wasn't going to write about this, but I must.  Someone has to stick up for the housewives with no overwhelming desire to do anything other than be good people and live their lives quietly and with some semblance of dignity on the Main Line. 

First of all, come on, one of Philadelphia Magazine's perennial obsessions with duhhhh, the Main Line.    And lest we forget they periodically regurgitate this topic, check your circular files for the November, 2011 article titled "Desperate Housewives: The Reinvention of the Main Line Mom". 

OMG if that article wasn't enough of an eye-rolling fluff piece on the don't hate me 'cause I'm really a silly creature with too much time on my hands and too much of my honey's money of it all, I don't know what was.  I guess it was supposed to get Michele Seidman acceptance?  Clients? Lordy, we already knew she was upwardly mobile since the article mentioned she moved from the starter ghetto of Penn Valley to Gladwyne, right?

I keep hoping the good lord will deliver us from these frivolous botoxed, dieted down, surgically enhanced, AMEX and Iphone toting Bride of Chucke meets  Barbie dolls, but nooooo.  That is not to be.

All this crap over the "reinvention of the Main Line Mom."  Are your eyes rolling? Mine are.  Ladies, you want to reinvent yourselves?    I'd love to see you flipping burgers or taking orders at White Dog.   Hell, you can't even raise your own children, walk your dogs, clean your own toliets, or do your grocery shopping.

Add to this sense of unreality, another housewife with a yen to be in Philadelphia Magazine.  Shocked I tell you....not.

This one is named Amy Burnham, and if you don't know her, you are nobody.  Really?  We'll be a nobody collective then. 

Philadelphia Magazine notes she is the ex-wife of Alan Markowitz.  Another "who" unless that is some old Main Line Name we have missed all these years, right?

They crow that she flirts with Ed Rendell?  Ummm, wow, wouldn't brag about that and don't we know how some of those things end up?  LOL

They trumpet that she was a waitress at the Saloon who made it big?  Yeah, she was a hard knock gal...who went to St. Andrews.  (I know some St. Andrews alumni and current parents who are appalled to see this wonderful school in this kind of article.)

Speaking of St. Andrews, this babe does some name dropping.  You can tell how NOT tight she is with some of them because if you were you would know there are some Philadelphia families that prefer to live more below the radar.  They do their good works, they live their lives, but they don't brag and name drop a who's who when they speak to people.

The article opens in a party setting of nouveau name dropping.  The people mentioned aren't so impressive, haven't been for years.  They just have a lot of money.  They aren't old Main Line or Old Philadelphia and never will be.  Those who are Old Main Line/Philadelphia are off doing Orpheus Club and other old school things like that.   And face it, real Main Line anything doesn't tell a reporter or anyone they are hung over. It happens, but my dears, why chat about it?  Re-hydrate yourself, get a little exercise and maybe a facial or mani-pedi and move on.

Another amusing moment in the article:

“Amy is not from the Main Line; she married into it,” adds Daniel Kalai, an independent TV producer and friend of Jesse Rendell’s who’s talked with Burnham about her TV aspirations. “I think there are a lot of women like that. There is this stereotype of the Main Line wife, that they’re all quiet, rich women who won’t do anything and who all live in this bubble. I don’t think that’s true. I’ve met some extremely fascinating women on the Main Line: doctors, lawyers, women who run hedge funds. What you find are motivated women with the means to do things.”

Like forge a television career. Amy wants to do it because she thinks she’ll be good at it, yes. But she also wants to do it for practical reasons: to earn her own money (she had a pre-nup with Alan, so she didn’t take him to the cleaners) and, she says, to be a role model for her kids, show them that you can always reinvent yourself, that there’s always another door to open. “You can’t wait for people to give you permission,” she says. “You just have to go in and barrel ahead.”

Ahh yes....maybe she might be a Real Housewife of the Main Line someday?

They quote Anne Hamilton, as in DIL of Dodo in the article, and they actually try to draw parallels don't they?  Really?  Anne Hamilton works her ass off for charities she believes in, and while she is very much an individual, she very much knows how to behave.  Not this one.  This one wants to be known by men she's done in the past. Literally.  Why kiss and tell all?

And this description of her by Philadelphia Magazine:

With her shapely curves (she’s in another pair of ridiculously tight jeans, this time off-white) and streaked blonde tresses, up close she can give off a vibe of hardened Ivory girl.

"Hardened" Ivory girl?  Wow.  As a woman, I can tell you I would not perceive that as the least little bit flattering.

And oh yeah, she doesn't know Mayor Nutter yet, but she will.  Y'all can read this for yourselves, but seriously, I am sick of reading about those who moved to the Main Line like they are of the Main Line.    Not all Main Line women are desperate housewives.

And when you read the article, check out the comments.  They are better than the article itself.

This woman wants and needs attention.  She seems bright enough.  Why she chose this venue for attention escapes me, but then again the Nouveau Main Line is often a mystery that way - they claw and clamber for the attention...and then of course they complain about it.

There are a lot of fabulous, quiet doers on the Main Line, you know that?  It would be nice if they got a solid thrown their way once in a while.

For another amusing read before I post the link to this article, I also suggest The Housewife Diaries.  Utterly tacky, and unapologetic and funny.  She'd probably make a better interview too.

Confessions of a Main Line Housewife: Amy Burnham Tells All

And if you don’t know her, you’re probably nobody. How a former Saloon waitress used brass, sass and flirting with Ed Rendell to obliterate the image of the suburban wife—and become the unlikely new face of power on the Main Line.

By Michael Callahan

Posted on February 2012 Page 1 of 4