The Most Wonderful Time of The Year?

Well...maybe not so much.  It's time to rant and rave about Suburban Mommy on the loose and shopping.

The Main Line merchants are counting their pennies and trying to out deal one and other.  The problem is the big game hunting serious shoppers and all their crappy driving habits are out. In full force.

I would love to shop in peace in downtown Wayne, for example.  But you try and find a place to park.  And if you do find a spot, have you had the pleasant experience of Mrs. Rude zipping into the space you had your turn signal on for?  I have just this morning had that very experience and almost lost the nose of my vehicle thank you very much.  But she was undoubtedly a V.I.P. and I noticed her pretending not to see me as she chattered away on her Iphone, fluffed her hair, and yes STOLE my parking space. Bitch. Yes I know you saw me.  Nice botox, by the way.

And if they aren't trying to flatten your ass by stealing your parking space, you try crossing the street in Wayne or any other local business district along Lancaster Avenue right now.  Why they are even viewing pedestrians as targets in sleepy Berwyn, cute Malvern, and West Chester.  If the sleepy western 'burbs are this bad, you can bet I won't be rushing to Ardmore or Narberth any day soon.

I attempted Philadelphia this past weekend, and made the mistake of taking the train to Suburban Station and coming upon the great unwashed village.  I don't get their ocupation of it all, and well, don't they realize what they are doing to innocent small businesses near them?  Now the smell of Suburban Station underground is above ground too.  Wonder if they have a Febreeze for that?

All these communities want shoppers, we want the stores to have the business.  However, I am tired of viewing walking and driving along the Main Line as a contact sport. Slow the hell down and pay attention.  Quit driving on the SIDEWALKS to inch out other cars too!

Another pet peeve?  The people that have to stick half their car or more into the lanes of traffic from cross streets.  Hello?  You can and do cause accidents that way.

And let us revisit talking on cell phones and texting and web browsing while driving. Don't you get you are inducing terror by WEAVING in heavy traffic?

After we are all shopped out we can try for a coffee or a bite to eat.  I worry about some places after that fool drove through the window of Cream and Sugar in October. We'll skip Teresa's in Wayne as they now believe their own hype and the food is slipping but their staff attitude is not.  Tried Paramour.  What a ridiculous name for a restaurant.  It is pleasant enough inside, but the prices are too tasty for the food that isn't. When I am dining out in the suburbs, I don't need imitation New York City. If I want a New York City vibe, I will go to New York City to eat.  Their staff certainly doesn't kill themselves either....which is why  I love tried and true Christopher's.   Christopher's doesn't ever have a game of "let's pretend" and the food is terrific and consistent, and the service always just right.

Sigh....I miss the old Main Line at Christmastime...it was much more civilized, full of old-fashioned charm and less full of itself.

I recommend the wearing of safety orange while shopping. It's the new black for shopping apparel.  You might look like an escapee from Radnor Public Works (although they usually stick to WaWa and A-Plus), but at least then, hopefully these jackasses on the road will see you....because it's not like I see police babysitting pedestrian crossing areas often enough.

A final shout out goes to those V.I.P.s I see without handicap parking tags/plates of any kind (or any infirmity) taking the handicap parking spaces.  Especially that spot right near Teresa's.  No, it doesn't count that you put on your flashers, you asshole.  The walk will do you good and you won't have to worry about ass lipo if you work it a little.

And really?  It is o.k. to wish someone Merry Christmas.  You won't get struck by lightening.  I am darn tired of people looking guilty and apologetic if they mention the word "Christmas."  Bah humbug...it's a holiday....it's a legitimate one of a few holidays this time of year....quit trying to sanitize it out of existence with an overdose of fumble butt political correctness. People wish each other Happy Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, so go ahead, live dangerously and say "Merry Christmas."

Happy shopping Main Liners...try not to kill anyone out there, o.k.?